Coping with drama on the job is among the worst parts of being an executive. It gets the potential to suck living out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for many of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The best example of that is one my clients - we shall call him John.
John is the CEO of a manufacturing company. He hates drama. You are able to literally see his skin crawl when he discusses it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he discusses the latest drama of the day. "I just don't get it. What is everyone's problem? Why can't they only do their work? It's like coping with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We could all relate with John. We have all experience political situations that people would rather forget. Those occasions when we're caught in a top of workplace drama - one person is upset, gossip in the business is rampant, and we feel such as a ping pong ball as we bounce around trying to make sense of the issue. So, what's an executive to complete? If you should be caught in drama, how will you get free from this dark hole?
To begin with, let's speak about what not to do. John illustrates this well. Every time John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. Not surprisingly, the placating nod does the most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, however when John he takes no action, they get mad. Outcome? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Some people get angry. The irony is that now people have a new issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It is not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, that which was John doing wrong? Well, several things. To begin with, he distanced himself from the drama to the point he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became the main drama problem because nothing got handled in a constructive way.
One of many basic principles of coping with drama at the job is to recognize your emotional patterns once you encounter drama and to recognize how your typical reaction plays a part in the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John could self-manage his reactions better, he could have taken a different tactic when employees came to him about issues. He may have expressed confidence inside their ability to deal with the problem constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or introduced an experienced third party to greatly help them. Instead, he was so busy managing his own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction including blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no real matter what the details of the problem and they include these roles:
The Persecutor: "The corporation is such a hole." "I can't believe the quality of management." "It is all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is really a real idiot." All the energy goes into finding someone or something at fault for the company's problems. Blaming someone else makes people feel better and, obviously, this means other people have to improve, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is actually the victim in the drama. They work with a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They could try to find anyone to rescue them, or at fault, in order to remove their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a prey to feel good. They're "do-gooders" without boundaries. "Let me fix this. Let me take this on." "I can save the day." "Let me rescue this poor person who was simply hard done by." Rescuers may try to greatly help people without having to be asked, or they have a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
Many people learn the energy of being a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they continue this behaviour inside their career without having to be alert to it. Being an executive, in the event that you participate in this behaviour or respond to it, you will escalate the drama and there would have been a price to pay for - people won't desire to do the job, you will feel drained at the job, and you will produce a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you need to create the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Here are some specific tactics:
- Look out for drama triangles and start to pay attention to who is playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful that role you tend to play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization for taking on a specific role. Are people "bonding" with one another when they've someone else at fault? Are they avoiding coping with the complexity of issues by blaming one person? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby giving them power? Have you been creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what's being avoided by participating in the drama. Exist some deeper issues in the business that must be addressed? If so, what are they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What have you been doing? Not doing? What have you been taking responsibility for? Have you agreed to complete significantly more than you intend to?
- Whenever you get triggered by a dilemma, concentrate on grounding yourself. Do not cope with the drama until you can get involved without escalating your own emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a healthy outcome by emphasizing principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Know that the more intense the drama, the harder it is to get individuals to produce a healthy outcome.
-If you're too close to the issue accessible, get a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
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